If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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