I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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