The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
