sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
