just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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