Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
