Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
