she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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