i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
