If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
