I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
