i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
porn star boner night. come get it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
