Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
