my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
