break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
