Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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