My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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