im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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