girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
