come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
