Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
