Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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