Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
