Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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