And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
