nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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