Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
