you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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