so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
