Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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