The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
