It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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