I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You just made me feel so damn special
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
