Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to sanitize my soul.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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