I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
