I only kidnapped one of them. chill
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
