Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
