I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
