but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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