Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
