...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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