Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
