They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
