Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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