Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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