I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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