my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
