working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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