I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
