You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
